Chapter Three:

"THE NEXT five years ARE a BLUR To our Hero,"Don Knotts says as the 'Kiss' song,'Rock And Roll All Night' starts blaring from the giant 72" HDTV's speakers.Quickly,snapshots of George W.Bush partying flash by.Almost every snapshot shows some sort of debauchery:partying with sheiks,whopping it up at a disco or rocking out with Joe Walsh;drawing a mustache on a sleeping National Guard buddy,or lighting a fart around a campfire with a Bic lighter.From his car window,showing a cop his driver's license.Playing strip poker with five strippers in a varied states of undress-woman's panties on top of his head-smoking a fat Cuban cigar.Glassy eyed and smiling at a Republican campaign headquarters;sleeping on a floor-beer bottles and pizza boxes around him;in a bathroom with Hank Williams Jr.

Suddenly,the music stops and we see Dubya,dressed in an old fashioned football uniform,coming out of a library with a very pretty girl.It is getting dark,and the full moon is partially obscured by clouds.Bush is in an apparent giddy mood,skipping quickly around his pretty girlfriend,"Ya sure ya don't want to go to the Halloween party with me,Laura?"

"It's a disgusting pagan holiday,George."

As they continue walking,George goes on,"Whatta ya want,Laura?Ya want me to lasso the moon for ya?Cuz,I can,ya know."

"Oh,George."

"I'll just lasso my rope around it and pull it towards ya."

Laura stops and puts her hands on George's chest,"Oh,George,"She sniffs,"George,are you high?"

"Why,no,Laura,not on drugs,anyway.You,you Laura,just looking at you makes me high.Come on,let me buy ya a chocolate soda,"He opens the door to the local hamburger joint.They find a booth and sit down.

Having ordered their food,they are sipping their soda out of the same glass,but with two differnt straws.Laura puts her hands flat over 'W's,"Last night was wonderful,George.You really know how to make a lady feel special."

George takes a packet of artificial sweentener from the sugar jar and rips it open,and starts sniffing it.

George?George?Why are you inhaling the Sweet N' Low?George"

"Why,"chuckles Dubya,"It's Diet Coke.Get it,Diet coke?"

Quickly,Laura kicks the booth's table over into George.The lip falls across 'W's neck,pinning him down.Laura grabs a seriated butter knife and presses it's point firmly into George's pant crotch:Hard.With her shoulder she presses the table ledge harder against her startled and frightened boyfriend's neck,"You listen to me,you son of a jackass,"she snarls at him,"I love you with all of my heart and all of my soul.And what you do when you are away from me is your own business,but if I ever hear of you talking about drugs again,so help I will cut your wiener off and tell your Momma I shoved it down your throat because you sodomized me with it.Do I make myself clear?"

"But,but I never sodom..."

She sticks the knife into him with more force,"DOoo I make myselve Clea?"

"Ya,yes,maam,"gulps George.

Laura pushes the table back to the floor,steadies it,and straightens out the condiments and such,"Why,George,how silly of me.I am soo sorry to have spilled our drink on your lap.I am soo sorry.Here's a napkin."

Somewhat dishevelled,George says,"No,no,Laura,my darlin',it,it was my fault.